Art
Because of her, art has become an integral part of my life. Not a day goes by when I do not put pen to paper and draw, or imagine how I could mix my paints to capture the colors of the trees or the sky. The painting above is her. She is the one who taught me to paint. She explained that when we force our perceptions on the world, we are blind. She taught me not to look for what I believe, but to see things as they are. For all her self-confidence, she hated having her picture taken, because the skin around her mouth and jaw is darkened as though she has been sunburned, or as if a permanent shadow has fallen over her. I think she is beautiful. I could have lightened the skin around her mouth in the painting. But then again, I couldn’t have. If I did, I’d not have been painting her, but somebody else.
She taught me that to paint is to have patience. Before, I had made countless unfinished sketches and paintings. Only with her encouragement did I take the time to finish what I started. The painting above could have been discarded like all the others, but from her words and actions I knew that failing to finish is like failing to start. To capture what I see, I have to slow down, and relax. She taught me that rushing to act will only take more time.
Even when I started to paint, I kept my art to myself. I felt like showing it to anyone would be selling myself out. I don’t point or draw for the attention of others, but to capture the beauty around me. I felt that loving art would not fit the intellectual, scientific character I cut out for myself. But now I realize that by hiding my art, I not only hid a part of myself, but I stifled it. The only time I would do art was for my classes, never for the pleasure alone. Now I realize that I have nothing to be afraid of.
For the rest of my life I will continue to draw and paint. I will continue to acknowledge the order that our minds try to put on the world, then do my best to look past it. Every time I put my brush to canvas, I will think of her. She is the person I wish to be.
This is such a well-written and heartfelt post, and the picture of your grandmother is amazing. I love how you captured so many details of your relationship with and admiration towards your grandmother in your writing. It's really cool that art gives you a way to relate to your grandmother.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very touching post. You've portrayed a visible connection between your art and your grandmother, and have clearly shown us your grandmother's personality. She's a tough one! I already admire her, and I've only known her through this post. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother is similar. My whole family views her as a strong women, she's 79 and still goes out on walks and insists that she stays in an apartment by herself. I think that this is the same for many families, where people think that grandmothers are weak because they're old and dying. But mentally they have more knowledge than any of us so in that sense they are strong and determined.
ReplyDeleteNice Post. I think the theme of looking up towards our elders is really strong and I like how you encapsulate it in the post. I especially like the picture at the beginning of the post, it speaks all the respect that you have for your grandmother.
ReplyDeleteI really like this post. I think it's really powerful how your grandmother brought art into your life, and how art is now an intimate part of you. Also, I'm really glad you're open to sharing your art now. I think that sharing art is an important way to connect and develop an understanding with other people.
ReplyDeleteI admire your grandma for walking three miles every day, I can’t believe she broke her shoulder and never even complained, that is truly the sign of a strong woman. I think that this post really portrayed the connection you have to your grandma.
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